RAMBLE: Newcastle United 0-1 Wednesday

RAMBLE: Newcastle United 0-1 Wednesday

Is it 2 o’clock yet?  Is it 2 o’clock yet? Is it 2 o’clock yet? Is it 2 o’clock yet?

FINALLY! 2 o’clock came and I left work to head to the Keepmoat Stadium where James works, where I would meet both him and Tom for our trip to St James Park.

Half way to Doncaster town centre, I realised I was a quick 30 minute walk away. I got off the bus and set about walking (with the aid of Google Maps).

As I got off I had that sudden realisation that I have no idea where I am. This was DEFINITELY a good idea.

I’m on my way! I don’t come to Doncaster often but it didn’t seem the prettiest place to walk through on a weekday afternoon. It was grey.

And then, in the middle of a fairly sizeable town, there was no more pavement to walk on, What the? There was pavement and then this weird slanted path.

Clearly walking that risked death, I about turned and found an underpass, which felt like a path that Batman’s parents would fear.

It's round here somewhere...

It’s round here somewhere…

I survived the underpass and was back on track. I stumbled across a back alley and could see the stadium in the background. Undeterred I kept going. Doncaster was NOT appealing. I literally walked passed a flattened rat. Where am I?!

Finally! I’m at the ground. I find a pub and it’s time for a quick change and pint. There’s something so dignified changing in a toilet. It didn’t matter after a swift pint.

Then Tom rings me. He’s outside. Perfect. I get a couple of bottles for the journey and we’re off to meet James. And we’re off. Next stop Newcastle.

As soon as I was appreciating the comfort of Tom’s Merc, the others are panicking about the tyres. One tyre was depleting. I wasn’t really paying attention. Suddenly we were on the hard shoulder and waiting for the AA.

Apparently they were going to be here within the hour. We were making calculations as to whether we’d make kick off.  We were sure they were, if only they turned up.

A lot of waiting and clocks ticking later, there’s an AA van. YES. It appears to go straight past us and we feared the worst, but it was for us. He says there is a tyre but it’s a saver. And all he can do is take us to a service station.

A lifeline arrives...

A lifeline arrives…

He can’t change it, we’d have to wait for another man, who take up to 2 hours to appear to change it. We’d NEVER make kick off.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. James says he can! Saviour! We limp to the service station. James sets about being a man while Tom and I go in search of more beer and food (and water for James).

By the time we’re back the new tyre is on. Apparently it’s a “saver tyre” and we can only do 50MPH. Tom asks:

Tom: So we can only do 50mph?

AA Man: Yes.

Tom: So how many miles will it last?

AA Man: Oh, as many as a normal tyre.

Tom: So we only need to go to Newcastle and back. What happens if we do more than 50?

AA Man: You’ll lose it?

Tom: The tyre?

AA Man: No, the car.

Right, 50mph it is! We’re back on our way. Kick off is almost certainly gone but hopefully won’t it can’t be helped. By this point the beer is flowing well and suddenly we’re passing the Angel of the North, which was spectacularly underwhelming.

Kick off was happening so we got Radio Newcastle on as we searched for a car parking space. They were really critical of Wednesday as we found a spot. Out of the car and it’s quick five minute walk to the ground. We get there, running, asking for directions and eventually we get to the away end. Run up the stairs. and some more stairs, and some more stairs and some more stairs. And then walk a few stairs. And run some stairs and we get there!

Get to our seats and we were only 20 minutes late! Phew!


Carlos Carvahal said that Brentford were the priority. His line up proved this. Wildsmith was in goal, McGugan was back and Joao upfront. And our view was high and watching the players was like playing Micro Machines on the Sega Mega Drive.

Carlos made ten changes

Carlos made ten changes

The game was tight and there wasn’t much to report. We were holding our own and they weren’t doing a great amount. Their fans were also quiet although the ground was well packed.

Due to our late arrival and the quiet first half it was soon 40 minutes. I volunteered to go down for half time beer.


Another trek later (this stadium sure keeps you fit) and I found the bar. The beer options were Coors lager at £4.20 a bottle or Coors lager at £4.20 a bottle. 2 of those it is then. I get served:

JP's barman

JP’s barman

Me: 2 bottles of Coors, please.

Geordie boy “barman”: Why aye man, if you git 4, the 4th is £1 byker grove

Me: Ok, 4 then please.

Geordie “barman”: Aye, byker grove, byker grove.

I find the others and we quickly finish the overpriced lager and notice that Carlisle are doing well against Liverpool and we fancy our chances.

Newcastle had done nothing and we just needed to up our game.

We got back up just in time for kick off and continued to play well and dominated the game. We kept possession really well and looked threatening. It was such a shame that Forestieri was cup-tied.

They’d get forward, striking fear into Wednesday hearts. The fear goes very quickly as another of their moves results in a shot wide of our goal.

We get a corner. There’s a chance but nothing overly threatening and they’ve got Tim Krul in goal. We’d better prepare for extra time.

Then they’re caught offside and Wildsmith clears forward. We win the head and the ball is in the box and trickles back. McGugan finds the loose ball and fires it forward. It’s flat and in the corner but Krul gets a good hand to it. It’s all so slow, but the ball lands in the corner of the net.

IT’S IN!!! IT’S IN!!! IT’S IN!!! IT’S IN!!! IT’S IN!!! IT’S IN!!! IT’S IN!!! IT’S IN!!! IT’S IN!!! IT’S IN!!!

WE’VE SCORED!!!!!!!!!




We didn’t care and there wasn’t much longer to see this out. Would they respond?

Bannan, Bus and Nuhiu come on to see the game out. A few moments later, we’re back on the attack, a header toward goal by Joao is saved by Krul onto the bar. It falls to Bus, this is 2-0 and a famous win. We wait to celebrate but somehow the ball ends up in the crowd. It was harder not to score!

They attack and we worry. But each attack is broken down by a pass out of play or a shot so far wide of goal, it could hit Tom’s Merc.


There was nothing to worry about, even with 5 minutes added on. The final whistle came and we left jubilant and confident that we’d be here next season, not with us in the Premier League but Newcastle in the Championship. They didn’t feel like a Premier League team. They were dysfunctional and chaotic.

Wednesday dominated this game and we deserved the win.

Back to the car, 50 MPH on the road and a stop at the same service station to get the slowest Costa service known to man. But did we care? Absolutely not!

Food and a sleep later and i could see Hyde Park flats off the Sheffield Parkway. We’re almost home, it’s 2am and time for a short, happy sleep. 

Bring on Brentford.

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