Rock n Goals No. 2 Notts County


 No. 2:  Notts County at Hillsborough

League Division 2: Sheffield Wednesday 2 Notts County 2

Date: 01/12/90

Sheffield Wednesday
Pressman, Harkes, King, Palmer, Shirtliff, Pearson, Wilson, Sheridan, Hirst, Francis, Worthington. Subs: Williams, McCall.
Notts County
Cherry, Palmer, Harding, Short, Yates, O’Riordan, Thomas, Turner, Bartlett, Regis, Draper. Subs: Robinson, Nelson.

Ref: I Hemley


The Hillsborough crowd received an early surprise when Wednesday took to the field in their away kit of yellow shirts and light blue shorts.

This was due to both of Notts County’s kits clashing with Wednesday’s blue and white stripes so the enforced change was made.
It didn’t seem to put the Owls off their stride though as within two minutes they were in front. Attacking the Kop end, a corner came in from the left and referee Hemley spotted a push on Trevor Francis in the area and had no hesitation in pointing to the spot, much to the bemusement of the County players and in fairness most of the crowd. John Sheridan stepped up to coolly send keeper Cherry the wrong way to give Wednesday the early advantage.


Wednesday double their lead right on the stroke of half time when a Nigel Worthington free klck reached David Hirst who tapped home easily.The Wednesday faithful enjoyed half time on a bitterly cold day basking in the warmth of a comfortable lead and three points seemed in the bag to help with Wednesday’s promotion push.However, this turned into the classic game of two halves as County fought back for a hard earned point.

Three minutes into the second half and Mr Hemley repeated his antics of the first half by awarding a very soft penalty, this time to the visitors. Mark Draper made no mistake to halve the deficit.

County thought they had equalised on 58 minutes when a David Regis shot was deflected home by Kevin Bartlett but the joy was short lived as the offside flag was up.  But County didn’t have to wait too long for their equaliser when on 77 minutes, keeper Cherry saved well from Danny Wilson and quickly set off a breakaway move that culminated with Bartlett crashing home to stun the Wednesday faithful.

The result meant the Owls slipped a place to 4th, whilst County consolidated 7th place

The season was to end successfully for both sides as Wednesday claimed automatic promotion after finishing 3rd as well as securing the League Cup and Notts County, after finishing one place behind the Owls won promotion to the top flight through the play-offs after overcoming Middlesbrough 2-1 on aggregate in the semis and Brighton 3-1 in the final at Wembley.

After the game, the Notts County keeper was the subject of much transfer speculation in the press, with Crystal Palace rumoured to be interested. One paper went with the headline “Eagles Eye Cherry”.

The Notts County manager said to him “You made a good “Save Tonight” which was odd as it wasn’t a night match.When he asked if he could leave, the keeper was told “Nay nay Cherry” but he did eventually move on and the club lost their Cherry, which was apt as they felt shafted by the player.

Cherry impressed early on his debut for his new club, making a save after just “7 Seconds”
Cherry had an unorthodox approach to saving penalties, running up and down the line like a bison. But his “Buffalo Stance” seemed to work well.

The fact Cherry had made it as a goalkeeper was quite incredible as it was a little known fact that he had a glace eye.
Cherry made some pies and cakes for the rest of the team for after the game and they went down a treat. The players loved ‘em, in fact someone was heard to say doesn’t ‘Cherry Bakewell’?
He once went to America in search of a particular type of sour Cherry but he got terribly lost. Fortunately he bumped into Tony Christie and was able to ask him “Is This The Way To A Morello?”

County defender Carl Palmer left soon after to team up with his mates Emerson and Lake. Palmer was a bit of a rough chap and not well liked so there was “Fanfare For The Common Man” when he left.

Sarah Harding out of Girls Aloud was a bizarre choice in defence and she was unsure what to do when defending free kicks but eventually told a team mate “I’ll Stand By You”.She later turned down a move to Lyon saying she “Can’t Speak French”.

A former Chelsea, Bolton and Iceland striker offered to help but she claimed she wanted “No Gud Advice”Harding was often compared to Ajax’s former Blackburn Rovers centre half, with many saying she was “Something Kinda Ooijer”

Defender Craig Short had to rush off after the match as he had to get to his other job as a nightclub bouncer with a GB Olympic hockey striker and his brother. They were quite feared in their roles as nobody enjoyed being grabbed by the Short and Kerlys.

Midfielder Kenny Thomas had been “Outstanding” in the previous game but seemed preoccupied in this one. All was revealed afterwards when he made a phone call to CSKA Moscow and told them he’d been “Thinking About Your Love”. The Russian bloke on the other end of the phone said “Can you stop using Wagner Love whenever the word love is in a song title, it’s getting a bit tiresome” but he said it in Russian so Thomas didn’t understand and hung up the phone.
Thomas was always seen as a get in there and mix it up kind of player, he wasn’t particularly good at shoving, or the shoulder charge. He wasn’t good at giving a knock but when it came to The Bump Kenny was always best.

Midfielder Turner wasn’t very tall, earning the nickname “Teeny Turner”.He was generally considered “The Best” player at the club. He once got in trouble at school after being caught on the phone to a mate of his who had given up on football after spells at Crystal Palace, Birmingham and Leicester to join the Army.

His teacher asked him who he was speaking to and he replied “Private Danns, Sir”He was once caught in a compromising situation in the sauna with a former Oxford, Bradford and Hull striker. The papers had a field day with the “Steamy Windass” affair.

Midfielder Mark Draper was so disappointed with his performance he wanted to draw a veil over it. He was Curtain things would improve though and he still dreamed of that move to Rail Madrid.
Mindst you, there’s no wonder he had a lot on his mind though, he’d been on holiday in Italy and taken his lovely wife on a romantic gondola ride. He leaned over to trail his fingers wistfully in the water when he knocked the pole, it shot up and hit the gondolier in the eyes…it takes a long time to recover when you’ve made a Venetian Blind.

John Regis was making his debut after his move from Charlton. He’d had previous spells at Wigan and Oldham. He was an Athletic kind of guy. He turned up to the game with a really beautiful looking white bird. His cousin was there and asked him what it was. “It’s a Nice Swan, Cyril” replied John.

Many were stunned to see one of the County players turn up in a green waistcoat, carrying a snooker cue, a pint of Guiness, a four leaf clover and a shillelagh. But it was only Ray O’Riordan.

Referee Hemley had previously played football himself and had some famous fans in the shape of Pink Floyd.

They often enjoyed going to “See Hemley Play”. He now has his own toy shop in London.

Top 5 UK chart week ending 1st December 1990

Eits Eits Bebe – Vanilla Ice

Comedy white rapper Vanilla Ice’s tribute to his two favourite players, Germany’s Euro 96 water carrier Dieter Eilts and Manchester United’s hilariously rubbish Portugese striker Bebe. In fact, he loved former German midfielder Eilts so much he named him twice. He also reportedly felt the same way about Dwight Yorke (Dwight Yorke).

Germany’s Euro 96 winning squad went on to spawn further hits in the shape of Bad Manners’ “Kahn Kahn”, Bay City Rollers’ “Sammer Love Sensation” , Hollywood Beyond’s “What’s The Kohler Of Money?” and Paul Simon’s “Boy In The Babbel”, not forgetting of course Jedward, who themselves are huge Kuntz

Unchained Malouda – Rijkaard Brothers

Frank and his less well known younger brother, let’s call him Ricky, recorded this ditty, remembering the time Chelsea’s French midfielder Florent Malouda was freed by his kidnapper, possibly Reda Johnson, we don’t know, who had tied him to a radiator, again, possibly Reda Johnson, we don’t know.

The Rijkaard Brothers had one further big hit, a song about the time Aberdeen’s former Derby and Preston centre half had mislaid Bolton Wanderers’ former Fulham and Aston Villa centre half, CSKA Moscow’s Brazilian striker and Stoke City’s former Sheffield Wednesday midfielder. It was called “Youl’s Lost Zat, Love n Whelan”
Humber Leaver Bell – Ian FEx

Rangers midfielder Ian Ferguson scored a surprise hit when this tribute to the time Colin Bell left Hull City stormed the charts. That classic 70s City team would go on to inspire further hits such as “I’m Summerbee (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers, “Born Lee” by Matt Monro and Billy Ocean’s “Corrigan Queen”.
Don’t, Murray – Kim Appleby

This warning to former Wolves goalkeeper Matt Murray not to retire early went unheeded by the stopper and he indeed hung up his gloves at the age of 29, which was a big shame for his fans who thought he was mint. Kim had previously scored hits singing with her sister Mel Machin.

These included a bizarre plea to drop Manchester United’s former England striker and replace him with the current WBC Super Middleweight champion – “Owen Out (Get Froch At The Weekend)” and the time she queried the cost of a meal enjoyed by Birmingham City’s former West Ham and American international defender – “Re: Spector’s Bill”
It Takes Taiwo – Ross, Tueart, Anthony, Turner

Former Owls full back Maurice Ross, former Manchester City winger Dennis Tueart, Auxerre’s former Liverpool striker Anthony Le Tallec and Sunderland centre half Michael Turner all teamed up for this tribute to Carlisle United midfielder Tom Taiwo.

The current Carlise squad have inspired other hits including “Simek’s My Day” by Robert Palmer, “Wishing Welsh” by Terence Trent D’Arby, “The Ballad Of John And Zoko” by The Beatles and “Collin All The Heroes” by It Bites.

Saturdays Game: 20th August 2011


Goalkeeper Rob Burch will be welcomed back to Hillsborough though many Owls fans may be unaware that he now has a football tipping column in the paper. His recently tipped up an outside bet for the forthcoming Asian Football Championships under the headline “Burch: Back Iraq”
Burch recently purchased two dozen roses from B & Q. His missus went mad at such extravagance but he explained it was only 24 flowers from t’Toolshop

Alan Sheehan, that’s Mr Sheehan to you, will be hoping to put in a polished performance, spraying balls all over the park.

Mr Sheehan went to a celebrity car boot sale…

He loved stuff from C list celebs like Sian Lloyd, who’d brought a Tea urn with Quasimodo on it, Timmy Mallet, who had brought a sledgehammer with polka dots, Jeremy Kyle who’d brought a DNA test kit, etc.etc. but most of it was covered in dust and grime and it disgusted him to such an extent he felt the need to say something…

‘This stuff is quality stuff but it’s just filthy, all of it covered in crap’ The owner of the stall wasn’t happy…

Excuse me but ‘Mr Sheehan! Sian’s hump tea urn thing’s clean!’

Defender Julian Kelly will have his usual pre match meal of a huge sandwich prepared by his Mum. It’s that big that he often shares it with his team mates. Everyone loves a bit of Mother Kelly’s Doorstop.

Londoner Jon Harley will arrive on his motorbike, the Cockney Rebel. That is of course if his morning paper has arrived. He was waiting ages it for it the other morning and was about to phone his newsagent when he saw the paperboy finally coming down the path. “Here Comes The Sun” he said.

Defender Haydn Hollies turned up to a recent game with his twin but team mates were confused and enquired whether he was really Manchester United’s French left back. Hollies replied “He Aint Evra, He’s My Brother” Hollies had no hesitation in joining County saying “”Just One Look” around the place convinced me to “Stop Stop Stop””Searching” and “Stay” here”.

He once competed in a 1760 yard road race named after a former Sheffield Wednesday full back but stunned everyone by running it backwards.

Nobody thought he would run the “King Mile Dash In Reverse”One of the County players recently played a game dressed as a large piece of meat wearing a Stetson and a silver star and getting involved in dodgy dealings. Turned out Ham’s A Bent Sheriff.

There was a strange aroma in the County dressing room at a recent game. It stank of a wicked sunburn on a mountain goat. A passing Dutchman remarked “I Shmell Demon Tan Yak” but the County striker denied it was him.

One of the County defenders loved his poetry but stunned his team mates by keeping his favourite poetry book in the fridge. But they needn’t have worried as it was just Liam Chill Verse.

At school, one County midfielder had a little sideline selling dishes of meat or fruit covered in pastry to his class mates. When one of his customers was caught by the teacher tucking into one of them the teacher demanded to know what they were. “These are John’s Pies, Sir” he replied.

Midfielder George Nicholas can be a bit of a Charlie at times, and though he is not to be confused with Paul Nicholas, he did once perform the tango with the club skipper at a shindig held at his elderly female relative’s house.Everyone enjoyed seeing him “Dancing With The Captain” at “Grandma’s Party”.

He lamented the loss of form being shown by a former Sheffield Wednesday and Celtic winger from The Netherlands. He said he preferred “Regi Like It Used To Be”Lewis Whiteley, who is on a Countdown to the game he’s so excited by it, has certainly left the County manager in a Conundrum as to whether to pick him or not following some good performances.

One of the County players has a sideline holding huge outdoor dance festivals on top of huge mound of earth. It proves very popular does Ricky’s Raving Hill.Another player recently became a majorette and has become very proficient with the batons.

Indeed, it’s mot uncommon to hear that Jude’s Twirling in the dressing room again.The Hughes twins, Lee & Jeff should be in attendance. There was confusion recently when a passing Beatmasters and Merlin called in at their home and enquired is “Hughes In The House?” But they weren’t.

One of the players recently got caught in a torrential downpour and it certainly made Sam Soggy. He was pleased to get picked up by a passing team mate, and even though he drove a convertible, he still got into Craig’s Wet Car.

The team recently went on a night out. Mike Edwards was in the chair and he bought everybody a pint. Except for the County sub goalie who was driving and so was told “I’ll just get you a half, Nelson”

Goalkeeper Liam Mitchell has had his “Phil” of the club and hopes the club will “Grant” his transfer request.


The match will be reffed by Mr Carl Boyzone of East Yorkshire. He has reffed us on six previous occasions and we have won two, drawn three and lost one of those, most recently the 2-2 draw with Charlton at Hillsborough in January.

He doesn’t like to chuck cards about, preferring to have “Words” with misbehaving players. “All That I Need” he says “is a “Father and Son” chat with them and things soon get sorted. “Is It Any Wonder” refs have a bad reputation when they dish cards out so easily?” he continued “No Matter What” the offence, I think it’s “So Good” we can sort it out amicably, even when “The Going Gets Tough”

His favourite players are a former Luton and QPR forward and an Australian former Everton and Crewe goalkeeper.
“I’m a big fan of Rowan n Kearton” he says somewhat unconvincingly “Does that pun really work?” he continued but I’d hung up the phone by then.

Keep on Rockin

TWITTER: @OwlsAlive

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *