Get in you Janner...GREEN ARMY!
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Plymouth Argyle Wednesday
Sweet baby Jesus these away days are taking it out of me…this was the ultimate drainer for me…I REALLY AM getting too old for this…perhaps I should give a bit more care to planning holidays in footy season.
Having been enjoying the finer points of Tenerife for the last 7 days, but been on the move from the hotel for the last 8 hours, the plane landed at Manchester at 1.35am then took the longest taxiing route ever…pilot prolly using Beastienav…we finally get off, get through and collect our baggage etc and outside waiting for the car…freezing me nadds off BTW in me vest and shorts!
For the first time they are late with bringing the car…I’ve left it with them loads of times in the past and they’re usually bang on time...this time, when I REALLY need to get back and get some kip, they’re late…45 minutes later we get away and arrive home just before 4am…set me alarm and it says ‘You have 2 hours 40 minutes to alarm time’ and that’s with me trying to get an extra 10 minutes in me pit…
FFS!
I thought, more than once, about calling this away day off…it didn’t make sense…there was no need for it…where was the fun in being tired and going all that way for something that could end in disappointment?
I REALLY wanted to make this though…having missed Scunny and Port Vale I needed to get to this and I DO love Plymouth away….
Still….so chuffing tired….Just forget the hotel cost and stay in bed…that makes more sense….
The alarm goes off and I ignore it…not for long though…shit, it was hard to wake up…
I did though and managed to put aside any further thoughts about not going….I JUST have enough time for the lucky 3 Sh’s…the tiredest 3 Sh’s EVER!
I felt…for some reason I might need all the luck I can get today…Now there’s an understatement, but I wanted to leave nowt to chance so the lucky rituals were all followed as per usual…
I go pick the young un up and we’re off…around a mile or so down the road and I already start to feel a bit fatigued, but never mind…we’re both looking forward to this game. Meet everyone in the pub beforehand, nice drink and natter, then back to the hotel, bit of a nap before going out for a drink…a PERFECT plan….a cracking away trip…what’s not to look forward to and what’s not to love about it?
What could go wrong?
 | Just in case though…for those lulls in excitement, I’d bought a few
cans of them energy drinks and Pro-Plus to keep us going and stay nice and alert… We have a few footy songs and chants to keep us going, including a few GREEN ARMY! And Get on you Janner! Chants…. oh aye…excitement factor and lookingforwardness factor were approaching max at the moment, it was great to be back in the groove. |
We were making really good time and no traffic problems until we got right down to Taunton and then it started backing up….and having drunk several of the energy drinks by now my bladder was beginning to chelp at me…
After a while in VERY slow moving traffic it was doing more than chelp and was getting down right mardy…
Excellent…a services sign…not far now…I can stop, empty, maybe get a snooze and back on track…
We hit the services exit countdown signs…III…II…I
How long does it take to pass all three?
Seconds…in slow moving traffic a few minutes…there’s the III right in front of us….be there real soon now…
The Beastie bladder has moved beyond mardy now and is really starting to hit the pain barrier…even loosening the belt and undoing me jeans didn’t help….I was in agony now and we STILL hadn’t reached the III sign…..FOOK ME!
It took chuffin ages to get past them…I was very close to just abandoning the car and nipping to the side…The cans did what they said…they kept me alert…I wasn’t tired…there was no way I could sleep with this bladder!
After 30 minutes or so we get into the services….I turn the engine off (BIG mistake)…and run like fook inside the services…I say run….this was like a dad run but one of them where you try not to move ya legs…like they’re sewn together at the knees…I must have looked like a right girl (not for the first time) I was so fookin close to losing it here…I was sure I wouldn’t make it…there’s a queue from the ladies right to the front door…JESUS! Hope the gents isn’t like that…I scan the toilet, just the one spare…THAT’S MINE!
JUST in time….AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
LORDY! LORDY! LORDY!
That was good….you know when you’ve been busting that long it feelos good all the way up to your chest…oh aye…one of them…
I decided that I needed some more help to stay awake and alert and invested in a couple more cans… but maybe a little
nap in the car would help even more…after all, even allowing for the
bad traffic round here, we were well ahead of time and only an hour and
half of driving left ahead of us....just a short nap...that couldn't hurt. SECOND BIG MISTAKE! |  |
I look right and there’s a Polish motorbiker, my face must have said it all…he looks at me all sympathetic and shrugs his shoulders in Polish...obviously a flat battery sounds the same in Poland too.
Bugger!
Give it five and try again…I do…this time absolutely nothing…nothing at all…Polish biker turns away…he looked almost as pissed off as me…
Oh FFS!
I notice an RAC stand in front of me, ‘JOIN TODAY – IMMEDIATE COVER’
Excellent…sign me up mate, oh and I need assistance now please….
‘No problem’ he says, I’ll ring it through…excellent…sorted….I’m sure they say ‘we’ll be there in an hour’
I go back to the car full of it…oh aye…disaster averted, nice one Beastie, should just about make the game now…
 | I explain to the young un it might take a while but we’re sorted
but should make the kick off…at this point Hollie has a few ideas of
her own…there’s a local mechanic over there, less than 30 feet away, in
a recovery truck, just go ask him to sort us out. No, no…we’ll be fine….I’ve just paid to join RAC, we can wait now…. 30 minutes later though and she’s saying ‘look, there’s a few Wednesday fans about, leave the car here, get a lift off one of them and come back for it’ |
No chance!
The RAC waint let me down…we’ll be fine…I say this just as the local mechanic is leaving the car park…
Another 30 minutes later and the Wednesday fans have all gone as well…I decide to ring the RAC and see what’s happening…
‘Well sir, we haven’t handed the job out yet but with it being bank holiday weekend and very busy we’re looking at a turnaround of 3 hours’
My heart sank.
I have to admit, at this point I felt really shit…..so we’re not going to get to Plymouth (around 140 miles away) by 3pm then?
‘I wouldn’t have thought so sir but I will do my best’
Thanks mate….not really believing anything would change…
Things got a bit tetchy between me and the young un at that point as she suggested we get a taxi to Plymouth and then return for the car….WTF?!
A FOOKIN TAXI?
Have you any idea how much that would cost?
‘Well if you’d listened to me before about asking that mechanic or getting a lift when this place was stuffed with Wednesday fans we might be there by now enjoying a pint and a pasty….’
What could I say?
She was chuffing right….sometimes I hate kids! What with their being right all the time ways and making you feel like an idiot…or even more like an idiot in this case.
We sat in silence for a few minutes…that’s another thing I hate about em…just when you’re getting a right good moody on and building up a head of steam to be a mardy arse, they go and spoil it by asking for a hug and making you feel a lot better…who do they think they are? I wanted to stay mardy at least another half an hour!
 | Time really was getting on and in truth I’d almost given up all hope of
ever getting there for the footy ….worst thing about it was, I’d had
that much red bull and Pro-Plus by now I couldn’t sleep it out…I was
buzzin! Perky as fook I was….pacing around all ower the place…. Then I got a call from the RAC bloke…’I’ll be there in 15 minutes’ GET THE FOOK IN! |
I still had a sneaky feeling it might an alternator problem and not the battery though…if it was we were being towed home, if it was the battery he could replace it and we would get to Plymouth.
He drives alongside and out come the tools of his trade…it’s like watching surgery on a loved one…I keep asking..alternator or battery? Alternator or battery?
He just goes about his business muttering ‘2 minutes and we’ll know’
I look at me watch….come on, come on, come on….
‘Well…’ he says….YES? YES?…….’Weeeell……’It’s your battery’
GET THE FOOK IN!
Oh, wait! You’ve got a replacement for me haven’t you?
‘Yup.’
EXCELLENT!
Spirits were up now and me and the young un decided that if we made the last 10 minutes of the game that would be a huge bonus…
‘Just this paperwork to fill in now….and can you do this customer survey for me please?’
WHAT THE FOOKIN BASTARD HELL?
A customer fookin survey?
Give it here….tick…tick…tick…tick….tick…you’ve been excellent thank you and goodnight.
Thanks a lot mate, is that it?
‘Yep…you’re all done…good luck’
Cheers mate, thanks for everything….we were finally on our way….it was well past 2.30 now so our revised target was half time…we were around an hour and half away so as long as the traffic wasn’t bad, we COULD make half time…
 | It wasn’t bad and we made it to the ground…no one on the gate in the
car park, so we abandoned the car and legged it round the back to our
turnstiles…. OH FOOK! Every single one of em…SHUT! Just as we approach the very last one we see some stewards chucking out some Wednesday fans…’How do we get in mate?’ |
‘Have you not been in yet?’ (Obviously thinks we’ve been chucked out once)
No mate, we’ve just got here, traffic and a breakdown…
‘OK, go round this way instead of back the way you came, go to turnstile number 26….it’s quicker…
 |  |
Great, cheers….we walk round this corner…a BIG corner…and there’s this
long winding country lane, with an old woman walking here dog…this
can’t be right...it certainly can’t be quicker….
We weave our way down the path….and I can’t see an end to it…so decide to climb the banking and through the bushes…
 |  |
I reach up and grab a branch – CRACK!
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!
As I tummell backwards and Hollie is laughing…’Ya fat git!’ she shouts…Push me up then…I grab another branch,and turn to grab her hand to pull her up and as she grabs me, the branch starts to move…it turns out it was a loose one…with the dexterity of someone really dextrous and the agility of a mountain goat I quickly shift my grip to a bigger branch and haul us both up…we mingle with an all girl Plymouth Argyle marching band or sommat and peel off in perfect order like we’ve practised it for years…straight to turnstile 26…
ALMOST THERE NOW!
 | The old cadger inside the hut is counting the cash and looks up at us like we’ve asked him for a stoat… ‘How much is it mate?’ ‘What? You want in?’ ‘Yes mate…it’s been a bad day’ ‘How old’s she supposed to be?’ ‘However old she needs to be to get in for less’ ‘Tenner each’ |
AT LAST! WE’RE IN!
THE HOME END!
Err….Excuse me mate, we need to get to the away end…
‘WAIT THERE!’ Says Steward….and get’s on the radio, ‘Urrrlo…we have an escort situation at turnstile 26, that’s an ESCORT situation at turnstile 26’
Another steward comes round and takes us the short walk to where the Wednesday fans are…
We scan for friendly faces and see Charlie at the side of us, we climb up to him and as we get into the seats the players come out….
MADE IT!!!!!
THE MATCH (Second half)
I’d had texts to say we were winning and Woody had scored, a corner, Tudders at the back post nods it back and Woody heads home….apparently we were good for it too.
The steward at the turnstile said ‘You might be late but at least you’re winning, that MUST cheer you up…You’ve scored against the run of play according to my mate though…mindst you, he was watching the Chelsea match’
WTF!?!
What does that mean?
Anyway…the second half….
Woody was immense, got himself in for everything…tackles, headers and one clearance that looked all over a goal….he missed very little and was my MOTSH (Man of the second half)
It’s great to see him in this kind of form. To me he looked right back to his confident best and I love it…his partnership with Purse looks to be really blossoming now and I find meself having to readjust my opinion on Purse as he gave Woody a good run for his money as best player for us from what I saw…they’re developing a cracking understanding and I love it.
Mindst you…I thought we played well all over the pitch, it’s difficult to point to a player that had a bad game and over 45 minutes I disagree with those that say Plymouth were poor. I thought they were a reasonable side, suffering mainly from a problem we’ve had in the past…not being able to finish off moves…through our own excellent defending and their inability to find the target from good positions we kept them at bay but in their attempts to get at us and get back into the game we were really making them pay on the break with JJ and Varney really running at them well…when Varney went down in the box, to me it was a clear penalty and easy decision to make…mindst you, the one minutes before with the same player was easy too…he was clothes lined right in front of us and should have had the spot kick…this was a little more obvious though as he was pushed to the deck…the little touch Varney did to take the ball into the box was lovely and the defender bundled him over…
Up steps Tudders…wellies it, the keeper gets a hand to it but can’t keep it out…we celebrate…me and the young un…the folks behind us…then Charlie leans over…this was really making up for the journey down now…
It wasn’t all over yet though and we still looked a bit edgy at times as Plymouth were really desperate to get back into it…it didn’t take long…
They got a free kick just outside the box and the resulting free kick was a thing of beauty IMHO…Grant went the way and got as close as he could but it was right in the top corner…perfect…and TBH, they deserved it…
It meant a little bit more fraying of nerves now but again, as they tried to get the equaliser we would catch them on the break and we had loads of good opportunities to put it to bed, with free kicks in good positions and getting past their defence…we couldn’t make the breakthrough though and finish them off…
There was some right skulldiggery going on though with both sets of players looking to get the opposition a card and the ref seemed determined to just find fault with OUR tackles…
O Connor was excellent during this busy period, getting stuck into them and chasing them down at every opportunity, he never stopped and he gave the ball to Potter or JJ every chance he could…JJ was running them ragged down the wing and he STILL looks full of confidence, dancing in and out…
There were quite a few people getting thrown out still…this time because of swearing.
The first was an Argyle fan who was ripped into by the Wednesday fans as he was led out…then a Wednesday fan just behind us who…as the stewards were explaining it was for swearing was instant…’What did I say like…all I said was FUCK!…come on mate, I onny said FUCK!’
It must have been even more galling for them when the Wednesday fans started singing ‘If ya don’t fookin bounce’
I had visions of the Argyle fan doing his nut outside and shouting 'Kick THEM out...they're ALL swearing!'
Of course the reason we were bouncing was Wednesday scored a third and it was a lovely goal…a cracking goal…Miller slipped the ball inside, Tudders runs past it leaving it for Potter who first touch puts it past the defender right into the spot that Tudders now finds himself, where he meets it perfectly and puts it inside the far post…we went mental…
I turned and celebrated with the lass behind me..Hollie turned and celebrated with the bloke at the side of her..well, she actually fell onto him and he fell into his seat and it folded up around him almost cartoon like with his legs sticking upwards…he looked shellshocked…no sooner had I let go of the woman above me, Charlie grabbed me, lifted me off the floor and shook me about like a big fat ragdoll…me knees were clattering into the chair back…I thought they were gonna break…I was now in pain...stop Charlie, STOP! He didn't and continued to throw me about...me poor knees!
What a move it was that set that goal up…all of it…lovely stuff…and the Wednesday fans really found their voices…
As well as our own songs we commandeered the GREEN ARMY! Chant…how pissed off must Argyle be?
That advert has killed their chant.
It was all too much for the Argyle fans and they formed an orderly queue to leave…
 | The whistle went and the Wednesday players came over to us to celebrate… Purse and Granty punching the air…Tommy giving the thumbs up...from what I saw we deserved the victory but I don’t think the scoreline does Plymouth justice TBF. They aren’t a bad side, they’re just lacking in confidence a little in the final third…however, it’s results like this that get a manager sacked so they need to turn things around sharpish.. |  |
I’m liking the attitude and confidence of our players at the moment though, it’ll be very interesting to see how we do against some of the so called ‘better’ sides…this confidence could carry us a long way in those games.
We hung on until everyone else had left the ground…we felt we’d earned a little linger…a bit of a chat with the stewards afterwards and Hollie had a photo with them and the mascot…she loves the mascots…and then on the way out met up with JFD, Clurr and Tommi…
 |  |
The plan was, a quick nap, shower, change out…
Well I’d had far too many Red Bulls and Pro-Plus for the nap so got cleaned up and we were out…
What a cracking night we had…
I thought I’d be flagging by 8 or 9 o clock but we were still going way after 3am…we had snap (The longest walk EVER to the restaurant BTW) and drank all night…after JFD and Clurr had left us we continued with Tommi…
...as one bar or pub shut, we found another, until there were no more left…we ended up in a weird conversation with a bloke from Wimbledon who looked like fat Jesus…he gave us mini eggs….
...a fat bloke walked past and called me fatty….
...we found the roughest pub and the poshest bus stop EVER….there were offers on in the bars to top up to doubles for a quid…ya can’t turn that down…it’s rude…
I got into a conversation with a bloke who said he hated his ex wife because she wouldn’t let him watch the Simpsons…he said it was more fun in prison…
...we saw Walkley come strolling across the quayside in a drunken stupor…he was doing that drunken walk where your arms aren’t really part of your body hanging limply by your side and you’re led by some kind of head magnet…it seems like you’re being pulled along by your face…he shouted at this bloke right in front of two bouncers…threw a half arsed punch at the bloke, which missed by miles…the bloke equally as shit faced, threw an equally weak punch back and just like Walkley…missed by miles…the bouncers were so unconcerned at any punches actually landing they did nothing…then as abruptly as he’d arrived…someone pulled Walkers round with the head magnet and he was gone….
...at 3.30 we called for a kebab and I was still buzzin…the perky pills still hadn’t worn off….but by the time I got to the foot of the hill near our hotel…only 100 yards further on I could have laid down in the street and slept…it was so sudden…but I NEEDED sleep.
Me and the young un said goodbye to Tommi who was an absolute diamond all night, and got back to the room at around 4am…still not a lot of sleep as we got up 4 and half hours later and headed home…absolutely shagged.
This time no detours and no interruptions, and no stops…one drive all the way home…and no radio either…when the battery came off it ended the radio…I need the code for it now.
I got home and fell asleep in the chair, rattling out the Z’s like a good un…I was finally sunk.
What a fookin couple of days this had been…the pre match drink and meet up never happened…I didn’t get a pasty…but had a cracking time…great company during and after the game…I loved it, absolutely loved it…
Hotel – 70 quid
Petrol – 90 quid
RAC – 70 quid
Battery – 65 quid
Admission - 20 quid
Night on town 80 quid+
Watching 45 minutes of Wednesday away win…priceless!
I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.
The RAC bloke was excellent, top bloke…and so were the much slated Plymouth stewards…I know they’re a bit overzealous at times but they were brilliant with me and the young un and I thank them for it.
Cheers
Steve:Beastie
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