Scunthorpe United and the Mystery of the Woven Tiger

First league match of the season for the Durruti household after the Mrs had committed the cardinal sin of booking a holiday without first checking what the opening day of the season would be. As a result it was with a sense of anticipation that I took YoshiOwl for his morning constitutional. On Wednesday we had spotted a single magpie prior to the trip to Newcastle so I was hoping that we wouldn't see any old iron. This meant Beauchief golf club was out of bounds and that it was a Hutcliffe Wood job walk-wise.

We were heading across to Hillsborough early so that we could collect Andrew (of Lewis Buxton or Beastie fame) for his first match of the season. Regular ramble readers may recall that Andrew has a severe disability but he's highly astute in terms of his football. He's a bit of a lucky charm as well having never seen us lose so we could be in for a good season if our Bill becomes his personal care assistant and we buy him a season ticket!

Bill had floated the idea of a trip to the Travs for a pre-match pint so I sent a text to Mr Away Day, Tommo, to see if that was in his plans. However, he replied that he was “all over the premium experience in the Grandstand” and so would be taking his two older boys, Jamie and Joel, in early for premium pie, peas and plasma. After a pow-wow befitting of a libertarian communist household I decided that we would join them.

But not before the dog had disgraced himself by finding the solitary mudpit in Hillsborough Park and diving into it. This delayed our arrival somewhat and threatened to spoil the new shirts that Bill and I were sporting. However, with the dog bathed and dried we still managed to get to the ground for just after two. Sure enough Tommo and his boys were there and Joel was tucking into pie and peas whilst Jamie poured over his programme. An impromptu name the player from his squad number quiz ensued which Jamie won hands down. Even racially suspect clues for the other competitors couldn't put him off his stride.

 

Woven Tiger

Meanwhile though Tommo had a strange look on his face. Now, I had my suspicions as to why he was keen on our joining him in the premium environment and when he asked for tips on how to get a flat stomach (like mine) these were at least confirmed but the glazed expression stemmed from his love of the new Wednesday shirt. “Look at the kerwality of these new shirts” he said to me. “They aren't cheap like the last lot, we're talking the real deal. None of those ugly embossed logos” he opined.

And then the piece de resistance, “look at those woven tigers”. Confused, I looked for said animal thinking that the Kid's hospital had switched from a Teddy mascot to something from the jungle before I realised that he meant the Puma logo. From this point on , for me, Tommo will always be the woven tiger king! Forget Hirsty's Puma Kings, think woven tiger king!

The Game

 

  

Lucky Luke

Varney's arrival on loan from Derby meant that, despite a decent performance against the Geordies, little Sean McAllister dropped to the seven man bench in an otherwise unchanged line up with Johnson reverting to a wing role.

Varney was to prove key in the opening passages of play. By the midway point of the first half we should have been at least four goals ahead but we had to settle for just the two. Presumably working on instructions from their managerial master tactician, our heroes were closing the Iron down left, right and centre with lucky Luke leading the way. The first goal came from a corner that was conceded after a missed opportunity from the loan player.

It was a soft goal to be fair with both Spurr and the scorer, Wood, being allowed the time and space to play head tennis in the six yard box. Still it was thoroughly deserved after a lightening quick start. Wednesday continued to wreak havoc with Scunny's record buy, Rob Jones looking highly vulnerable and Tudgay appearing to benefit from the extra zest offered by his new strike partner.

One became two after barely 15 minutes had passed when a chance that appeared to have gone (to Varney again) fell to the onrushing JJ who lashed the ball home from 15 yards through a crowd of penalty box bodies. Scunthorpe looked like they didn't know what day it was and this proved to be literally the case for Jones when, in clearing the ball at his back post, he and Richard Wood both fell to the floor like the proverbial sack of spuds. Fortunately for us big Dick was rock solid; unfortunately for them Jones was taken off strapped into a stretcher with what looked like an oxygen mask attached to his mouth!

Further chances came and went most notably to Varney who was thwarted time and again by Murphy before another corner brought the third first half goal that had eluded Wednesday against Barnsley. Gray swung a decent centre over and Tudgay rose, unmarked, to head home. A further Murphy save, this time from Tudgay saw the Owls go into the break only three ahead.

Half time Owls 3 Iron 0

Nigel Adkins understandably asked for more from his side in the second half and Tommy Spurr helped Lee Grant keep his shirt in pristine condition by foiling Sparrow (who should surely play on the wing) early in the second half. Varney then had another failed one to one with Murphy and he seemed destined not to score.

The game was finished as a contest on the hour mark when Potter rifled a shot into the goal after the heroic Murphy deflected an effort from Marcus Tudgay into his path. Age is a strange thing but I remain convinced that not only did the announcer credit the goal to Varney but also that he called him Reg!

The Varney and Murphy show continued with a further one on one before Luke was substituted to a standing ovation and replaced by Jeffers. Johnson had also been replaced by Esajas shortly after the fourth goal and Miller came on for Gray shortly afterwards before the game petered into something of a torpor for the remainder of play.

Full time Owls 4 Iron 0

It's hard to find fault in the Wednesday performance. Laws got it right and no player could justifiably be given less than 7/10. Varney, despite theoretical profligacy, added presence up front and will surely get goals in the future and help Tudgay to do the same. Potter was resplendent again in midfield with O'Connor doing much of his harrying.

It's just a pity that we can't play Scunny every week.

Sean (Durruti).